Do you strive to feel and act your best? I know that such a mindset has driven me day in and day out for over half of a decade. Born out of the fear of falling into the scarier parts of anxiety, depression, and sometimes much worse I decided to challenge myself to defy the prognosis. Having been educated in the wicked world of traditional mental health practices in America, particularly among the affluent, the female, the minority, and other vulnerable populations – I didn’t trust that the system would take care of me so I made it my one and only goal every single day to take care of myself.
What a journey it has been and what an incredible life I continue to live each day that I make wholeness my priority.
Just recently I decided to devote to this path for the long term and to integrate it into my professional pursuits as well; to become a mirror of wellness and to educate that the old ways are biased and under researched not to mention one sided and lacking depth in critical areas not exclusive to the diagnostic process. It enabled me to let go of more versions of myself I was still holding close to my heart as they served as a protective factor at some critical stages. In this final phase of self acceptance and personal elevation I let go of the artistic, writerly, poetic side of myself who consoled me through grief and chaos for much of the formative teens and early 20’s most would never dare to re-live. She also kept me high and motivated through all of the exciting, sometimes reckless, parts of those years as well.
I cried as if I had just learned that I would never see a close friend again. I felt a breaking up; to the point that I even put on a melodic song like we sometimes do when we feel an end to something we found meaningful.
Perhaps grieving the layers we shed and will inevitably shed continuously through life is part of a grieving process we must learn to embrace and master as it enables a closer relationship to grief itself. That grief, as we know, is perhaps the only inevitable part of life that we can absolutely count on to affect us most deeply.
Thank you nature for the beauty, intricacy, and uncertainty of this conscious, human mind. What an incredible world it is capable of creating. Let’s make it a good one.